There is no better boundary that we can set for ourselves than that of our physical body. Through our interactions with others, we can decide where we end and where another may begin. The subject of women and their bodies has been well studied and analysed over several hundreds of years, arguably far longer than that. From ancient works of art, to religious symbolism, and popular cultural trends; women’s bodies can be viewed and analysed with a consistently critical lens. How that lens was applied had largely religious connotations: are you an Eve or a Mary Magdalene, a sinner or a saint, virginal Mary or Nubian nymph from faraway lands? Do you repent your perceived sins or are you wanton and brash? Women and sex, their bodies and their relationship to one another, perpetually intertwined. It has been suggested that the voyeuristic nature of the male gaze lends itself to the scrutiny of the other. But it is also women’s gaze of women, and how women internalise misogyny, that has resulted in perverse forms of criticism and jealousy. It is women’s insecurities that are manipulated in the name of business by fashion and cosmetic brands. It is women’s faces we scrutinise on the cover of both men’s and women’s magazines. Some have suggested that it is the hidden nature of a woman’s sexual body that leads others to peruse it with such fascination. Others suggest that it is women’s place in the world as the second sex, little more than pieces of meat, that make us criticise and curtail women’s movements.
The need to control women’s perceived wild nature, such as the Eve archetype, has led to all manner of practices, from being married off as goods and chattels, to symbolic physical acts such as foot binding, to corsetry and restricting a woman’s ability to move and breathe, making her in effect weaker. This weakness was seen as desirable, and in fact the smaller the circumference of a woman’s waist, the more ‘feminine’ and desirable she was to a mate. In present day society, a woman who has ‘let herself go’ without containing her wild body, her breasts, her bottom, thighs and stomach is seen as contemptuous. Yet today paradoxically these are also considered ‘real women’ as if other more slender women are not real at all. Again misogyny sets women against their own sex, deciding who is acceptable and who is not. To rally against the present trend of slender fashion models must mean that a curvy woman is more real. This therefore excludes women who are naturally smaller, thinner, or with curves within an acceptable range and size in proportion to other parts of their body. There is now such a narrow window in which women can be perceived as acceptable in Western society, that those who fall within it are judged and criticised, and those who fall outside of it are judged and criticised for not trying hard enough.
Anorexia nervosa, bulimia and other eating issues such as compulsive eating are the battle ground where the fight for territory takes place. Gaining control in an uncertain, frightening world, anorexia seeks to control the appetite and the space one stakes. Anorexia serves to get control when naught else can be contained. Safety and relief is found in feeling empty, taking up less room, to disappear in the face of being seen in an angst-ridden environment. It is not uncommon for anorexia to transform later in life to bulimia or compulsive eating, where years of tightly controlled eating results in chaotic bingeing as a way of letting go. The famine becomes a feast. Guilt eventually sets in, and the push-pull between the two states creates a cycle of controlled eating and restricting of intake, followed by inevitable binges, that often incur a purge of some kind. It’s a cycle that consumes the sufferer. Food is everywhere. Meal times are constant, and are social gatherings for people to connect to one another. Eating issues can take hold of one’s life so deeply that the experience is akin to torture.
During my time working in a feminist organisation specifically focused on eating disorders, we practiced an exercise where the women were asked to perceive their boundary whilst encroaching on another’s. The woman who was being approached had to notify the other when she felt her territory was close to being breached. Getting a sense of one’s self and her boundary was not only a visceral experience, it allowed women to say “no” to another, in some cases for the first time. For most women life is spent being judged, criticised, and remarked upon. Reclaiming your body as your own is a way of occupying a place in the world, proclaiming “I exist and I have a right to”. While setting physical and emotional boundaries is a lifelong task assigned to us all, those with eating issues experience difficulties setting healthy boundaries. All too often, past experiences of abuse, trauma and neglect have made boundaries with family and friends either too distant or much too close.
To cross boundaries without consent is to injure and violate the precious territory we have claimed for ourselves. Women experience such violations usually quite early in life. The impact of developmental trauma can lead to a life of emotional and somatic difficulties, and confusion around appropriate boundaries. The body may become large: used to create a strong physical boundary that creates safety for the inhabitant. The body may become weak with hunger, and shrink inwardly, in a sense disappearing from existence. The chaos of trauma, as the brain attempts to process through fight, flight and freeze mechanisms to survive, can often result in a sustained state of chaos and fear that leads to self-soothing behaviour to gain control. Saying no to food can provide a sense of control and relief. Saying yes to food can smother the pain one feels inside.
Redefining one’s body as a place of safety and sanctuary takes time. Reclaiming your body as your own and deserving of protection, while respecting others’ boundaries, is a process that begins with acknowledging that transgressions have occurred in one’s life and a new relationship needs to take seed. Defining your territory, breathing and feeling into yourself is a great place to begin. Using touch gently without judgement of the inner critic helps one to see and feel their body for what is often the first time. Our eyes and hands can bring us home. Our feet can mark our space. Instead of using ourselves to hurt ourselves, we can learn to love again, inward and outward. We are not meat. We are not to be controlled. We are not to be helpless victims of constant observation, judgement and gaze. We can be free. But first, we must set ourselves free. Our body is our home, our territory, the only one we ever truly own. Claim it. It’s yours. For your entire life.
**This article refers to men and women but is not meant to exclude those of other sexes and genders. The author recognises there are greater complexities of sex and gender but this article does not seek to address them here. The author of this article also acknowledges that this is a socio-political stance on eating issues, and there are many differing factors that contribute to these issues, which can not be all explored in this article. The author has chosen to focus on women’s issues as that has been her personal and professional experience. For a list of references, the author can be contacted via email on: lauren.j.buckley@gmail.com
By: Lauren Buckley